


Hold On

by SetoAngel01



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2016), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Banter, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Heart-to-Heart, Interspecies Romance, Raphril - Freeform, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-05 13:18:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6705916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SetoAngel01/pseuds/SetoAngel01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raphael and April have been dancing around their attraction for some time now but maybe a motorcycle drive through the country may change that. Shameless 2014/16 Raphril. Three-Shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hold On

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when I realize Raphael has a motorcycle in the new movie - write a Raphril fict about it before it comes out because ya know Capril is definite endgame in that series and I need to get this out before it premiers and I'm too busy crying over my otp dying to write fanficts afterward...Oh, well I'm still gonna enjoy the hell out of that movie anyway! It looks AWESOME! <3

* * *

" _Hold on_." Raphael growled, the low reverberation of his voice vibrating against her back even if his words were a big muffled by his helmet.

April O'Neil did as he said; leaning further into the hard surface of his plastron wasn't completely unpleasant if a bit uncomfortable as she prepared herself to hold on for dear life.

"Okay." she replied, sounding a thousand times more confident than she felt. Trying to get her body to relax, taking a few deep breaths and a vast amount of solace in his voice and powerful muscles surrounding her. Yet if the brunette was completely honest with herself, she was scared shitless as the motorcycle revved to life underneath them with a gorgeous purr. Ever since her uncle died in a horrific accident while driving one when she was a teenager, the brunette _deplored_ motorcycles; straying far away from the two-wheeled motorized bike she liked to coin _"screaming metal death trap"_ in lieu of her own petal cycle and safer, enclosed vehicles.

How the largest of her mutant turtle friends talked her into riding one with him she'd never truly know...

April silently admitted it probably stemmed with never really being able to say " _no_ " to him; those fuckin' gorgeous amber eyes and _**damn**_ , that smile that lit up his face when she agreed...

Ignoring her own trepidation about riding such motorcycles, she agreed for him; pushing aside her own fears to the back of her mind when she realized just how happy she'd made him. One of those rare, perfect smiles lighting up his face and damn, if it didn't make her heart beat faster. Still, she should have some confusion as to why she agreed for someone she considered a good, perhaps best, friend. Sure, there was definite attraction on both ends; no question as to what his lingering glances and gentle brushes of his hands meant, but neither spoke about being more. There were many times over their relationship that they harmlessly flirted and spent an almost unnatural amount of time together, but for now, that's all it was. April would be the first to admit that yes, there was always _something_ between them that made them closer than she was with anyone else and vice-versa; the two always seemed to gravitate towards one another, the cusp of something deeper always forming but never truly gaining root.

Always too many questions without enough answers; April feared of the unknown and Raph of not being enough for her; propensity to hide in shadows and avoid the world she knew and lived in. It wouldn't be an easy relationship and the concerns over such a thing always caused them to just stay one step back from being something more than best friends. Dancing around it wasn't easy, one step forward, two steps back; April even began questioning wanting to at least try in fear of either of them getting hurt as the result. She wasn't sure if it was one she was willing to make...but she didn't want to die wondering either...

Breaking her from her thoughts were his massive arms walling her in, one on each side; his powerful hands wrapped tightly over the handlebars as her own small delicate fingers grasped rather pathetically at the loose black fabric covering his thighs, where she was currently sandwiched between what might as well have been tree trunks. In the back of her mind that wasn't screaming at what a stupid idea this was, she wondered why he stopped wearing his leather gladiator belt thing, which she thought looked much better on him then the black shorts he wore now... Those frivolous thoughts flew to the wayside when with a loud holler and a high-pitched scream that made her ears ring, Raphael's hands curved forward and the bike careened from the side of the darkened sidewalk with a loud squeal of rubber scraping on asphalt.

It wasn't until later she realized the scream was coming from her...

With her stomach in her throat and heart landing somewhere amid her bowels, April held on to Raphael for dear life, leaning the majority of her weight on his chest as the inside of her helmet became a bit foggy with her large amount of exhalations from being on the verge of hyperventilation. Blue eyes closing; not daring to look at the speedometer and the acceleration of how fast they were passing the neon lights of businesses and lit residences alongside of the road. The brunette forced herself to focus solely on the sensation of warm fall wind tickling her neck and through her hair outside of the helmet whipping wildly along Raphael's plastron.

The vibrations from the motorcycle was having the effect of a massage chair and soon, fear began to drift away like sand through her fingers. Recalling who she was with and how many times he'd saved her and protected her; the faith she had in him had her heart calming and breath thankfully returning to normal. She laughed practically silently, recalling being flung from the top of a building with Shredder and dangling hundreds of feet above the ground. Her falling toward the cement below at an insane rate of speed and in moments she would be nothing but a splatter and yet, he caught her when it should have been impossible. His large rough hand grasping her wrist and the whiplash shooting pain through her neck and spine, but otherwise, she was fine. The moment so clear as she looked up at him; amber eyes alight with relief making her heart skip a beat even in the midst of the battle.

It became so apparent in this moment and every one after...

...that Raphael would _never_ let anything happen to her...

"Ya doin' a'ight?" Raph's voice came through a bit muffled from his helmet as well as the wind and speed they were currently traveling, but she heard it regardless.

"Yeah...I'm good." she laughed, leaning her head back in order to look up at him.

Amber eyes focused on the road but he was certain to give her a smirk and a devious twinkle in his eye as they sharply swung around a corner, precariously tipping to the point of almost touching the fast-moving asphalt.

April didn't realize she was screaming until they were upright again; cheeks flushed crimson upon hearing Raphael laughing his ass off as if it was the fuckin' funniest thing in the world. She did _not_ think about how attractive, deep, and sexy his laugh is...not at all...because it didn't count when she was the butt of it.

"Sorry." he muttered in a throaty chuckle and April sensed it was a tad sarcastic or just his good-natured ribbing; either of which the brunette did not appreciate right now especially when she was having such nice thoughts about him. Deciding to be huffy toward him, she leaned further into his chest and she noticed her fingernails had been digging into his thighs much like a cat clawing desperately to their owner over a harmless tub of water that may as well be a center of a volcano. Immediately releasing her fists, she rested them loosely upon her lap as the city around them faded into darkened, abandoned residences and the oncoming countryside.

The frantic speed wasn't as noticeable with just a long road and no lights other then the bike's headlights ahead of them; the smooth asphalt and the yellow and white lines in vast contrast to the black of the street. The quiet air was calming and the stars began sparkling to life once the pollution dissipated from the smog of the city.

It was about twenty minutes of driving when he spoke again, "Eh, I'm really sorry, April. I shoulda warned ya before I pulled dat stunt." he admitted and his arms seemed to further close in on her; his deep raspy voice giving away his genuine apologetic tone.

"It's alright, Big Guy." she responded with a light sigh, allowing her body to further melt into his. The soothing breeze and the warmth of the night around them caught up with her; the long week of work behind her and a extended weekend trip with Raphael awaited. It was enough to allow her heart and breath to slow exponential in the relaxing atmosphere; the comfort of his presence and heartbeat pleasantly pattering on her back lulling her into sleep she didn't anticipate; her head lolling back to rest her weight fully into his body.

The motorcycle gliding smoothly upon finely paves roads that were nearly untouched; Raphael slowed down.

The only noise was the purr of the bike underneath them; the headlights, stars, and crescent moon the only light for miles. A bit of regret at his actions seeped into his gut; he worried he was becoming too comfortable around April. The ease as to which their friendly banter and flirting accelerating was becoming worrisome. The attachment he already felt for her was unlike anything he'd ever experienced and he wasn't sure if he liked that feeling or not. He'd always been strictly independent; adamant he didn't need anybody; and yet, with her, it was so easy to become caught up with her; the desire to be near her all-encompassing and debilitating at times.

The red-banded terrapin felt as if perhaps he should pull back yet when she offered her family's old farm house for a long weekend and he told her he'd drive without even thinking about it, he knew he was screwed. It was just too hard to distance himself from her friendship and beautiful smile; the ease as to which they grew closer and closer by the day made him second-guess everything. Eventually, she'd grow tired of him; find someone more worthy of her time and Raph silently prepared for that yet hoped maybe, just maybe, that wouldn't happen... But no matter how many times he wanted to ask her if she wanted to be more than friends, his tongue turned to lead in his mouth. He felt stupid for even thinking about such fantastical possibilities for himself...

April shifted upon his lap suddenly and Raph realized she was most likely exhausted from her work day. Unlike him, who slept all day in preparation for tonight's driving, she had been up, shopped, packed, and got everything prepared for their trip.

"Um...Hey, ya could take a nap if ya want, April. It'll be a couple more hours before we get there." Raph nervously rambled, not even noticing the blue-eyed brunette had already fallen asleep on him. When she didn't respond after a moment, he thought perhaps she was still a bit upset at his stunt earlier but instead was pleasantly surprised when he stole a quick glance at the sleeping beauty.

Amber eyes looking back to the street, he couldn't help the smile that lifted the corners of his mouth. Feeling more at ease and with the pavement smooth under the wheels and the peasant hum of the engine, he continued to their final destination.

* * *

 


	2. Never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raph and April watch a sunrise and a heart-to-heart ensues when they reach Northampton.

* * *

April O'Neil awoke to the radiant sensation of gentle rays of light hitting her face. A part of her wanted to get up and close the curtains before crawling back into bed when she suddenly remembered where she was. Cornflower blue eyes squinted back closed the second she opened them; the brightness of the sky signaling an upcoming sunrise was hitting her cornea, the light causing spots to appear in her vision.

"Mornin'." Raph greeted, the vocals echoing in his chest was causing a pleasant rumble on her back.

When the reporter finally got her bearings, she realized they were still on the bike yet were parked underneath a group of trees, still a few miles away from their final destination.

"W-what's goin' on? Why'd ya stop here?" April slurred, desperately craving caffeine yet the closest Starbucks was most likely two hours away and the thought alone made her want to cry.

"Sorry, I just never saw a sunrise like dis before. Kinda was curious what it was like and ya know, also stopped ta give ya some air. Yer helmet was getting a big foggy there for awhile, O'Neil." he replied with a deep chuckle, causing the brunette to reach for her face and realizing her visor had been pulled up. "I think mainly cuz ya snore in yer sleep; ya know that?" he continued after awhile, another throaty chuckle making her stomach do spastic somersaults.

"No..." she grumbled, the embarrassment causing her cheeks to flush and gave her an excuse to pull the helmet off her head and try to control her outrageous helmet hair with thin fingers brushing frantically through the locks. "I'm asleep when I _allegedly_ do so, so no, I didn't know that..." she continued huffily, wiping at her mouth to make sure she didn't drool either...

"Hmm. Well, at least when ya do it, it's cute. Mikey sounds like a damn foghorn." he said before he probably even realized the words came out. He got quiet after that and once she felt sufficiently groomed as possible, April silently reflected on what he said before he mentioned her snoring.

"So...you've never seen a sunrise before?" she asked, allowing her body to relax against him once the embarrassment faded; recalling she'd seen him in some pretty embarrassing situations as well so she supposed it was fair. Her mind pleasantly replaying when Mikey stole his brother's clothes from the shower room and the largest terrapin, clad only in his red boxers, was forced to run around the lair after the youngest turtle; not at all aware she had been there to witness it all. It was so satisfying to see his face when finally dawned on him that she'd been sitting there the whole time on their pizza box couch, giving him a coy smile and a once-over all while his face turned the exact shade of his mask he normally wore...And seeing him turn around with his tail curled up between his legs as he retreated in shame; it was probably the cutest fucking thing she'd seen in her entire life.

"Heh. Well, not exactly. In da city, it's kinda already 9 by the time da sun goes over the buildings, and ya know, _ninja_. Heh. Night is our thing; never bothered to get up early enough to see one; travel to a decent spot to take it in just takes too fuckin' long to bother. Not to mention Fearless always gets his lil' blue panties in a knot whenever I'm out during daylight." he chuckled, the rumbling of the reverberation of his laugh against her back had her cheeks warming and the sensation of fluttering wings in the depths of her stomach.

April wasn't uncertain if she liked that feeling or not...

"It's been a long time for me too." April admitted with a shrug, not realizing something as mundane as a sunrise was still so new to him. It felt wrong somehow to think that way for she could never hope to understand how isolated and alone he must have felt for his entire mutated existence. A world that never knew about him, his father or brothers; and yet how she didn't either and now, she could never imagine her life without any of them. The thought making her want to cling to him all the more.

"Hmm. Maybe we're not so different after all." he spoke and the words were so profound it almost hurt.

On the outside, it might appear as if she had it all; a job in the public media regardless if she was doing nothing but fluffy filler til she met them. She was beautiful; she'd admit that because it seemed to be the only positive attribute people told her about even if she felt being so was more of a curse than a blessing. Over time, her face and physique being the only thing anyone saw in her most the time; not really bothering to know her deeper than the physical.

It made her bosses look at her as if she was an airhead who didn't belong in the media room to give her ideas on serious stories; when instead, putting her in front of a camera to do fucking jumping jacks to get more views was so much easier. It also caused many of her women coworkers to judge or hate her when she subconsciously got the attention of all the male bosses; spewing venomous lies behind her back to hopefully get her fired should they come to fruition (competition in the media was fierce, after all). Every man looking at her and only wanting one thing without her getting a say. A pretty girl to have on their arm or a sex object, yet the second she opened her mouth to showcase her fiery personality, stubborn attitude, actual brain, and any hint of her rejecting their advances, they wanted absolutely nothing to do with her.

Since her father died, she'd been isolated, rejected from every turn whether it be school, boys, supposed friends, or professors over the years. Real friends were few and far between with her rather quirky personality and whenever a decent guy did come along, things just never seemed to work out; whether them cheating on her when she didn't agree to sleep with them early on in the relationship or it to naturally running its course and the two just growing apart.

It was a very lonely existence at times; so many nights alone in an empty apartment, eating crappy microwave dinners and watching television by herself wondering one day if it would change for the better.

Not until the day she met the turtles and their mutant father that a whole new world opened up to her; for the first time she could remember, she felt loved; wanted, and it was _genuine_. Belonging was an experience she felt as if she was coming to terms with for the first time since her father died and the reporter found it in the most unlikely place. Over time, growing close with the entire family; Raphael in particular she found herself gravitating to. The reasoning for it wasn't entirely known even to her; thinking it had to do with how they just naturally bonded saving his brothers and being close ever since.

Admitting fully that perhaps it was something more; after all, he was different from any guy she'd ever met (in many more ways than the obvious). When he spoke with her, he'd look in her eyes and not at her tits; his hands would stay respectfully folded in his lap and if he did touch her, it was on her hand or gingerly brushing the hair out of her face with a gentleness someone so large and brash should never have the ability to. The respect that was honed into someone with absolutely no human social interaction was incredible and he only seemed to surprise her further.

Raphael cared about her; genuinely wanting to know more about who she was on the inside rather than the outside. It was the main reason April feared in pursuing a romantic relationship with the massive terrapin; his friendship so precious that she didn't want to taint if it didn't work out...but it was so hard to pull back when she wanted to give it a try. The largest of the turtles making her heart beat fast, palms to sweat, and stomach to flutter involuntary like she was a love-sick teenager all over again; the feeling so addicting and overwhelming at times but always present regardless.

"Thanks for agreein' ta come wit' me; I wanted to see dis place ya told me about...and get away from the lair for awhile." Raph grumbled lowly, breaking her out of her thoughts.

"Of course, Raph. I've been meaning to come for awhile, and this is nice; it's not often I get out of the city. Vern even came through, finding some people to cover for me." April responded, watching the changing colors in the sky in correspondence with the rising sun.

"Heh. Guess the nerd is good fer somethin' after all." his warm breath causing her hair to brush pleasantly against her neck.

"Yeah, he comes in handy sometimes I guess." April agreed, allowing a giggle to escape her lips. The sun was on the cusp of rising over the mountains and the vantage point they were at now was pretty, but she knew if he was going to experience the true brilliance of a true mountain sunrise, there were much better spots. "Hey, come here," she continued after a moment of silence, pulling away after depositing her helmet along the handlebars of the motorcycle before jumping off of the bike and holding out her hand to the large terrapin.

Raphael didn't speak, his furrowed brows and confusion crossing his face was enough of an answer.

"I know a beautiful place we can watch it better from here." April explained and was pleasantly surprised when his hand wrapped over hers and stood to his feet; she still couldn't get over how tall and big he was and it drove her crazy in the best way.

Hand in hand, the reporter silently recalled the familiar area as well as an old bridge overlooking a small pond and the most gorgeous vantage point with the mountains behind them. It was a favorite spot she and her cousins used to hike to as a child and when she saw it just a small walk away, she was overcome with joy to realize that it was still there after so many years. Once they approached the small rocky bridge overlooking a now dried-up creek, she let go of his hand and leaned dainty hands onto the cool bricks. Closing her eyes upon experiencing the familiar texture of the worn rocks and so many memories made there from what may as well have been a lifetime ago.

Raphael quietly approached the brunette, allowing her to have a moment before he witnessed her big blue eyes open and peer at him with a giddiness he hadn't seen in her before.

"C'mere." April said with a light airy chuckle, holding out her hand and gesturing him to approach.

April leaned heavily upon it to the point she was on her tiptoes as she looked down to the creek. A sense of loss of gravity made her stomach plummet slightly but in seconds, Raphael's hands was upon her abdomen and steadying her.

"Careful." he demanded lowly, shaking his head at her reckless, more so clumsy, actions at times.

"Sorry. It's a lot smaller then when I was a kid." April laughed in response, leaning into his touch.

The large terrapin just smirked at her, bravely scooting closer as he knelt down at his knees to be at her height; his hand moving to her arm and caressing the mustard yellow leather jacket lightly as he brushed his cheek over the side of her head.

Raphael's spontaneous affections causing her to look at him, smiling unabashedly and instantly nudging him back with a tilt of her head. Looking in each other's eyes now, there was so much both wanted to say, but they remained quiet as the sun finally peeked its face over the side of the mountains and their eyes pulled away from the other and toward the skyline.

Watching and reveling in the wonder held in a simple sunrise. It was profoundly beautiful; the purples and oranges intermingling with the clouds creating a beautiful masterpiece of light and resonance. Such a mundane thing for so many was treasured deeply by both, April not mentioning it when Raphael's arm tightened around her, his head leaning heavily into the curvature of her neck and shoulder.

Eyes closing, April sighed at the feeling; his heartbeat against her arm and breath ghosting over her bare throat. The reporter treasured his affection since it was a rare thing to witness and experience most of the time; the hotheaded terrapin always unsure of himself and his actions. Right now it was the last thing on her mind, closing her eyes and melting into his embrace.

* * *

_There it was._

Northampton.

April took a deep breath of the fresh mountain air in her lungs as the motorcycle came to a stop and she quickly got off, pulling the helmet off her head as she did so. Taking in the sight of her familiar childhood dwelling bringing back so many happy memories; when both her parents were alive and when things were so carefree; so easy back then. A life before the big city; before her mother's death in a tragic traffic accident and the fire that took her father's life just two years later...before she was an orphan living in a world that didn't care to know her beyond the physical.

For April O'Neil, it was a strange sight to say the least.

Recalling so many happy times in a world that seemed so far away now. A life before meeting the turtles and before knowing her pets were going to mean so much more to her someday. It was bittersweet to be in the place where she grew up; how different she'd become since that little girl who'd go explore the lakes and climb trees; not going home til both her knees were scraped raw and there was a vast amount of leaves and sticks in her loose, wild brown hair.

All of a sudden, she found her vision blurring as she stared at the familiar site of the porch and the old rickety swing she'd find her dad drinking coffee on every morning; her mother in the kitchen making breakfast as she ran down the stairs and out the door. Moments that seemed like a lifetime ago almost felt viable at this moment; the scent of coffee and pancakes etched in her mind as she took it in for the first time since she was six and she left it all behind for the big city. Forgetting about it til her father died and her aunt handed her the deed and the keys to this place the day she graduated high school.

It wasn't until this moment she decided to return; wanting to give Raphael a weekend away and selfishly, wanting to spend time with him away from the distraction of his brothers and the cramped nature of her small apartment. Never knowing the influx of emotions just seeing the rickety old farmhouse would cause...

"Hey, ya alright?" the turtle next to her asked suddenly, his voice gruff and raspy.

"Yeah. I'm fine." April replied, pretending her heart wasn't pounding out of her chest from the onslaught of memories rather than the soft brush of his large index that swiftly wiped a tear away.

"Ya sure? Why ya cryin', April? Ya okay?" he continued, hands awkwardly holding a cooler in one hand and trying to comfort her with the other.

"Yes, Raphael. I'm okay; I am now." he responded, her lips turning upward as she stared back at the farmhouse. "It's just...it's weird being back here; it's been such a long time."

"I-If it's gonna make ya sad, w-w-we don't have ta stay here, April; we 'an head back cause I don't want -" Raphael started and April smiled despite herself at just how darn cute it was when he stuttered awkwardly; it was one of the largest terrapin's most endearing qualities.

"No. I want to. I just never realized how much I missed this place. They're good memories, Raph." April sighed, looking up at her friend before glancing back over to the familiar house that seemed so much smaller now to her adult eyes.

A few terse moments of silence fell over the two, Raphael completely unsure of what to do as he saw April wiping the remainder of her tears with the yellow sleeve of her favorite mustard-colored jacket.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" April said suddenly, her bubbly voice returning, "Let's go! Last one in has to make dinner!" she said haughtily, giving him a wink before bee-lining it toward the door.

A smirk arose on his face as he watched her running, which was odd in her high-heeled boots, but she made due like she always did. Finally registering what she said, he was more than happy to let her win for her cooking skills were not one of her strong suits but it didn't mean he didn't give it the ol' college try. His long legs easily making up the distance as he closed in on her; heavy cooler with ice sloshing as he trekked quickly to the steps, where she already made it to the door.

The smile lighting up her face made losing well worth it; her white teeth sparkling in the morning light as she turned to him.

"Aw, dammit. I'll get ya next time, O'Neil." he laughed lowly.

"I don't think so." she giggled, reaching into her pocket to retrieve the key. Hands slightly shaking as she put it in the lock and unlatched the mechanism with a satisfying click; she opened the door. Memories flooding back with a vengeance as she stared out across the expanse of the dusty front room, eyes peering into the untouched kitchen, living room, dining room, each with precious moments once upon a time and so long ago. It was frozen in a time that long had passed; chest aching and eyes blurring as April took it all in; so many years gone forever in the blink of an eye, and now she was back...

April was uncertain if her legs would hold her up, but when a large hand enclosed over hers, the reporter turned to see Raphael standing next to her; a tight smile upon his face as he looked at her for any hint of hesitation. Meeting those amber eyes, a strength she didn't know she possessed came over and she faced the house yet again. The memories hurt, but the tight hand grasping so tenderly at her own had her smiling; for now, she knew with him here; it wouldn't be so hard after all.

A soft sigh exited her mouth and she returned his smile; squeezing his large index in her small hand all while allowing a few tears to slip down her face. Not a woman who was prone to tears, these felt necessary somehow and the healing that had taken so long to occur was finally complete as she took in the expanse of the inviting farmhouse. It was a warm feeling of comfort washing over her like a warm summer rain; there was happiness here and it was a visceral one. Her loss all those years ago was still profound, yet she knew her mother and father wouldn't want her to dwell in those memories; they'd want her to make new ones and she planned to.

"Well, we're here." April softly breathed in the scent she remembered so well. Squeezing Raphael's index finger again, she leaned her head on his bicep and felt her face flush when he allowed her.

"Ya don't regret coming here, do ya?" he asked, the apprehensiveness appearing in his voice without his consent.

"Never." she replied easily, looking up at him with tears still sparkling in her eyes and the biggest smile she could muster. Happiness she swore she never felt before alighting in her chest when he suddenly caressed her face; his hand rough and calloused but it felt so good as he brushed away her tears. Her hand grasped his own, her dainty fingers ghosting over the back of his hand as she stared into those perfect golden eyes.

All the doubts and confusion she had faded away as they began to unpack their things in preparation of the wonderful weekend before them.

* * *


	3. Let Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe they'll be in love forever, maybe they won't, but the journey will be worth it regardless.

* * *

It all ended too fast.

A long weekend ending by the midday sun as April and Raphael left the farmhouse.

These were two friends hanging on the cusp of something more for far too long; the desperation for more in both of their hearts but each of them wary of pursuing it. After all, they already felt just so at peace with one another; their simple camaraderie and friendship a beacon of light in this increasingly darkening world. They were a shoulder, a confidant, a friend to call in the middle of the night that wouldn't only answer, but listen to you for hours if need be. Their closeness wasn't about the space, it was their beings, their souls clambering for more than each was certain they were willing to give. A love that seemed so difficult and complicated with it's simplicity.

Love was an overused word in television and movies; an emotion they made seem so simple in those cheesy romantic comedies. Based mainly on attraction and falling in love relatively overnight but either could attest to the hypocrisy of those films. Love wasn't butterflies and rainbows; it wasn't just lustful and passionate sex with way too little communication, no cliche moments of kissing in the rain on the beach; it was a commitment; a drive to putting someone's needs over yours; a friendship and understanding, based on mutual respect and the sense of being equals while maintaining their individuality.

That was why they didn't pursue it for so long; afraid to rupture the delicate balance they procured over the years they'd known each other. A bond that seemed so fragile once upon a time; Raphael's insecurities and April's unwillingness always getting in the way of true happiness, of allowing something beautiful to naturally take root because of fear of the unknown. Unknown of knowing exactly what to expect from the other; one that existed in a world so unlike the other; a human, a mutant turtle...things that shouldn't co-exist. Impossible didn't partially cover it, perhaps...maybe if both were willing to try, it could work in the end...

The two didn't speak as they packed away the few belongings they'd brought, along with the cooler; it was only three days to hang out and be together away from distractions, family, and a noisy city. While short, it was just what they needed. Wanting to make sure everything was left in order before they got on the road, April broke away from Raphael with a quick _"be right back"_ and him replying with a nonsensical grunt before the brunette returned to the house one last time.

April ascended the stairs to the basement; making sure the generator was switched off. Once pleased that it was, she walked back out toward the exit where she froze in her tracks near the entrance to the living room, these last few days swiftly flashing in her mind...

* * *

Something drastic changed during the weekend together; whether it be cleaning the farmhouse of the thick layer of dust that covered every surface; plopping onto the couch after making dinner that night or reluctantly washing dishes afterward. It was as simple as how the terrapin would teasingly flick warm droplets of water at her while doing so; his deep raspy laugh making her stomach hurt in the best way. After the kitchen was spotless, the two made it half-way through a particularly bad horror movie, which was picked up with bent rabbit ears covered in aluminum foil, before both passed out on the couch.

Second day was spent going for a hike where April showed him the many lakes and ponds she explored as a child. A devilishly handsome grin crossing Raph's face when he suddenly grabbed her and jumped into the water all while she screamed going in and laughing her ass off coming out. Splashing water at each other before exiting the cold pond and rolling around in the grass, laughing all while drying off by the heat of the warm summer sun. Relaxing in the green foliage and flowers; enjoying the tremendous heat of those beautiful rays of light Raphael had experienced far too little of in his sewer-inhabited existence. The rest of the afternoon they found themselves talking; speaking about everything from tragic childhood fears to mundane things such as favorite foods and music all with the same ease. Once thoroughly dry, they went back to the cabin to wash up and make dinner with the same playfulness as the previous day. Once bellies were full and the kitchen was clean, the two decided to relax. Raphael flipped through the sad amount of channels here in the boonies and April lost herself in her mother's favorite novel; sitting next to him and throwing her feet in his lap with nothing more than a faint smirk. Raph shook his head at her actions but couldn't help but take her in from the corner of his eyes while doing so; watching in stunned silence when the brunette continually bit her lower lip while she read. As time progressed slowly, Raphael simply couldn't take his eyes off her in the fading light of the sun wondering how the hell something so mundane could easily be the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

The last day was much like the previous; staying outside during the light of day; the terrapin eagerly basking in the sun's warmth in a way he never got to experience before all while April tried to recall a time where she'd ever seen him this genuinely happy. He'd tried to contain the excitement, but the sparkle in his eyes gave it away. A picnic lunch and another short hike later, the sun had already fallen beyond the horizon and the full moon proudly displayed in the sky; where they lay in the grass to gaze up at the stars. The vastness of space hard to comprehend in a city so full of pollution; the red-banded terrapin remained stunned into silence as she pointed out the different constellations that lit up the night with mixtures of dark blues and purples with shining white sparks of light igniting it all in vivid contrast. April got teary eyed recalling how she did the same thing with her father in what as may as well have been a different life...

The cold seeped night seeping into skin, the two returned back to the house but both refused to give into sleep just yet. April suggested staying up late and watching crappy movies; the VHS tapes she procured were worn and dusty but made for some great ab-libbing opportunities during the terrible acting and awful dubbing. The two laughing loudly, barely noticing as they kept accidentally brushing hands on occasion while taking turns reaching for overtly buttery and salty popcorn wedged between them. Raphael got a little embarrassed when he grasped her hand on accident for the third time but April just smiled. Boldly leaning up to kiss him on the cheek; watching in barely restrained glee at how his cheeks changed from forest green to near burgundy at her action. Feeling particularly reckless, she moved in again to kiss his other cheek but this time, he moved and her lips brushed the corner of his wide mouth instead; the sparks shooting off in her head as the scar on his lip ghosted over her cheek.

Pulling back in a bit of shock, the reporter wasn't sure what to think; after all, sparks going off after a kiss was just crap you heard about in movies. April ignored it for that was a stupid girlish fantasy that didn't have any grasp in reality. The red-banded terrapin made it apparent they were just friends and would have to remain as such regardless of the gravity pulling them toward each other. Fantasizing for more was a possibility she wasn't prepared for; the harsh realities of their world had never been kind and why would it change now? Sinking further into the couch and pretending that didn't happen didn't last when his hand suddenly clasped over hers.

The rough texture of his scales and the callouses from his lifetime of ninjitsu didn't bother her like she used to think it would. The massive three fingers didn't even register anymore; it had become so natural; so normal to her that she barely blinked when she accepted the differences between him and a human male. To think she fainted the first time she saw them; at how strange they once looked to her and now she was internally pining over the largest of them. His visage was incredibly attractive; while not human in the slightest, his face couldn't be more masculine; strong jaw, cheekbones, and those intense amber eyes always making her heart beat just a little faster. Such a color didn't exist in the realm of humans; so unlike the normal variation in his brothers' eyes; his were amber and pure honey; flecks of unadulterated gold etched into those gorgeous irises.

The eyes of a reptile and yet it didn't bother her at all.

This was normal to her now; in her wildest dreams, never imagining those four small tiny turtles and a rat would become integral to her life; giving her existence purpose and meaning on this planet that she never understood. To find a home in the most unlikely place...and she wouldn't trade it for the world. Large hand softly squeezed her own; blue eyes taking a glance down to where their hands were laced, her fingers seemed too delicate; fragile and downright tiny compared to his own. These hands which flung shipping containers like a tissue box, could snap a neck like a toothpick; such power and raw abilities honed into these hands and yet he still handled her with a gentleness he shouldn't possess. Swallowing down a sudden lump that wedged into her throat, April lifted her eyes to his and was astounded by the raw emotion etched in those deep set eyes.

"Raph?" April whispered, her breathing nearly to the point of hyperventilation and heart palpitating like a frantic drum against her sternum. Not even having the time to ask herself how that happened when one of his hands left hers to gently cup her cheek; the pad of this thumb, rough like sandpaper yet not unpleasant at all, ghosted ever so slightly upon her flushed cheek and brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. Amber eyes were troubled and his mouth would open and close as if he had something to say yet decided against it before any words could tumble forth. Seeing that underlined pain and uncertainty so apparent underneath the surface made her heart ache; but she had little time to think about it when his eyes flicked down to her lips. Without even having the vaguest idea what was happening, Raphael was leaning into her, eyes heavily-lidded, mouth lowering to hers. The only comprehensible thought on her mind and heart as her eyes slipped closed was the realization as to just how _much_ she wanted it to happen...

...yet it didn't...

A moment of terse silence passed, the sound of the television burrowed into her ears when she realized she'd drowned it out a long time ago. Cornflower blue eyes opened to see his face turned away from hers; amber eyes heavy-lidded and troubled as he stared off somewhere in the distance. All too soon, his hand retreated as well.

"S-Sorry, I shouldn't a done that..." Raph murmured and April immediately saw the terrapin's desire to bolt, only this time, she was having none of it.

"...W-Why not?" she asked softly, still not believing the words left her mouth until it was far too late. Just moments ago, she was talking herself out of craving something more with him, and now, that's all she ever wanted...

Without answering, his eyes met hers the soft nuances of his facial expression gave her all the information she needed. The brunette knew him well enough to know the question confused him; his brow ridges furrowed slightly, the soft downward quirk of his mouth and hands folding nervously in his lap.

"April, ya know how much ya mean to me. Yer my best friend, we're always together ya know, spending time, hanging out... I just...I don't wanna ruin what we have because sooner or later, if this turns out to be somethin' more, I'm gonna screw it up..."

"...How do you know that?"

"It's what I _do_ , April! I-I never even imagined I'd meet a human face-to-face that didn't want to dissect or kill me... Let alone get ta know one like I do you... **Fuck**! I'm no good at this! I'll never will be!"

"How do you know if you don't try?" she asked calmly even if her heart was beating at an alarming rate.

"April, we're so **different**! I mean, fuckin' look at us! I mean, really! **Look**!" he yelled, drawing her attention to an old style mirror near the wall to their left where she saw them both sitting side by side on the worn leather couch. April looked at Raph in the reflection and caught the way he flinched when he saw himself next to her. A sight that would have been strange once upon a time but not anymore. Her thoughts were broken by his voice, "Someone like me just doesn't belong with you... Ya deserve so much better than anythin' I could ever offer ya...I gotta face that we're just too different."

April went quiet at those words.

Pondering everything he just said yet she knew he didn't just mean their differences other than their contrasting physicality even if his issues may have stemmed from his self-esteem issues with his appearance. As she gazed openly at him, she didn't see that; to her, he was incredibly attractive; the contrasting size, skin tone and differentiating number of fingers and toes didn't bother her anymore...yet that wasn't the only obstruction keeping them questioning pushing their relationship further...

Another thing she questioned was the significant age difference. She was 26, he was barely 18. Biologically, he could be much older (the age of the turtles before mutation was unknown, although he was young, she wasn't sure exactly by how much.) Mentally, he was only 18, a teenager with nearly no human social interaction until the day they met. You'd never know it though, for his maturity far exceeded many 30 year old men she knew. His ability to discern her needs and his respectfulness was honed into him beautifully. Unlike all the men she knew before, he genuinely cared, listened, and got to know her in a way no one had ever cared to before. Her likes, dislikes, always able to make her laugh and smile for no reason whatsoever, not to mention giving an actual fuck about her...that was saying a lot more than most of her previous relationships; romantic or otherwise.

Raphael had provided her with more support and love no other man had since her father died and it pierced her heart to think he thought so little of himself... Watching him pulling away emotionally and physically, curling deeper into his metaphorical shell and away from the fact this was something much deeper than friendship. Long story short, April was sick and tired of hearing it...and she was desperate to put those poisonous thoughts of his as well as her own doubts to rest.

"...who's better than you, Raph?" April asked, the first hint of emotional turmoil lacing her voice.

"April, ya can't be fuckin' serious..." Raph grumbled, his eyes refusing to meet her own as he rubbed a rough hand across his face in discernible aggravation. He wished he just kept his fucking mouth shut...

"Raph...look at me...I-I...I just," she whispered, reaching for his hand and was shocked when he didn't pull it away. Raphael reluctantly glanced at her when she continued, "I wish you could see you the way _**I**_ see you..."

"Heh...A hideous scarred mutant?" he chuckled sadly and April's heart broke at the sadness and self-doubt lacing those burnished golden eyes.

"...No, Raph...I've never met _anyone_ like you."

"Heh. No shit..." he chuckled without mirth.

"Raph. Stop it. I'm serious." April spoke firmly, grasping at his wrist. Eyes flicking down to take in the image; her small, almost fragile hand placed on his dark emerald skin, marred with numerous scars and the heavily textured surface of smooth, cool scales. Two years ago, she'd fully admit she would have pulled away, but never again. Blue eyes seeking his out, a soft pink hue appeared on her cheeks when she realized he'd been watching her; while a bit embarrassed at her blatant staring, she met his eyes easily, locking on without a hint of hesitation.

"So am I..." Raphael finally spoke, his deep baritone causing her skin to prickle pleasantly and the hairs to raise on the back of her neck; they dissipated when he continued, "That's why this can't happen, April. I'm no good for ya... I'm not fuckin' boyfriend material... I'm a brash, short-tempered, reckless monster or as ol' Fearless likes to say " _a ragin' bull in a china shop_ ". Hell, it may last for awhile, but eventually, I'd jus' royally fuck it up, and I'm not willin' to risk that... I'm sorry, April, I shouldn't have even tried ta kiss ya, I just - you're so fuckin' beautiful, it drives me crazy sometimes...heh...Dammit, I must really be out of my fuckin' mind..." he finished, burying his rough face into a massive hand.

"Raphael, you're **none** of those things. I mean, I must be crazy too because I feel the same way... Why are you pulling away? Why are you so afraid to be happy?" she breathed, the burning of tears searing the back of her eyes. She absolutely despised how he thought so little of himself when she never met anyone as wonderful as him.

"Because I want _you_ to be happy...and sooner or later, you won't want me, April. Whatever it is we have goin' feels good now, but...if we take it any farther... I..." his voice trickled off and April's heart broke when he pulled away from her touch. The red-banded terrapin continued growing the distance by standing to his feet and walking away.

"Raph..." she whispered, everything inside her mind telling him to go to him yet her body would not obey.

"I'd never recover, April..."

"What are you talking about?"

"If I screw it up and ya leave me, the novelty of whatever this is wears off, or when someone ya actually deserve comes along... Someone who could take ya places and out to go on real dates and shit. Heh... _If you left_...It'd fuckin' rip my heart out..."

Tears burned the backs of her eyes at the utter agony lacing that voice broke down everything inside of her. Wanting nothing more than just to hug him and hold him close, to abolish those fears was her only goal...Yet his words stopped her in her tracks. It was all the same fears she had; the many things holding her back these past two years since she'd developed a debilitating crush on the largest turtle. So many questions without nearly enough answers...but the one question that kept popping up was _"why not?"_. Their friendship strong enough to survive anything the world has thrown at them thus far...so why not this?

"How do we know if we don't try?" April asked softly and he turned to look at her.

"...and ruin this?" he asked, helplessly gesturing his hand between them.

The friendship she treasured over anything else in this world hanging in this delicate balance between best friends and almost lovers. It was just enough doubt to have everything halt to a stop as all the scenarios played in her mind like some demented record player. A uncertain as the future seemed, there was one thing that was constant; and that was their bond; the unbreakable chain that held them together; that brought a mutant turtle and a female reporter to this small point of time that should have never existed.

The beauty of just what he was; that pinprick of time where a younger version of her saved him and his family from that fire that should have claimed all of their lives - including hers. Hell, she should have died falling off that building when Shredder pushed her off, but Raphael was there to catch her. Both of them escaping death more times than either could count in that one day alone and here they remained questioning being more than just friends. Life was too short to doubt because she knew what she felt was the real deal and wasn't this turtle all about throwing caution to the wind? His reckless energy defined who he was, so why was he so adamant to hold back now?

"Why would it be ruined?" she whispered, seeking out his eyes.

"I usually find a way to screw stuff up...even when I'm not tryin' to..." Raph grumbled, arms crossing protectively over his chest.

"Raph, I know you...I've seen you at your worst and your best. Nothing you've done has ruined _anything_ for us. If anything, your willingness to try; to let me in and get to know you. That alone has just drawn us closer together, wouldn't you agree?"

"..." at his silence, she continued.

"We can't control much, Raphael. You mutating just happened; me running into that building wasn't planned...Meeting again after so many years apart... How just witin days, it already felt as if we'd known each other forever. I don't believe any of this was just a coincidence; neither is this... Besides, aren't the best things in life worth a little risk?"

"..."

"...Raph, if you don't want to try, I understand. I just want you to know that I'm willing to if you are. Nothing is going to change between us regardless... I really believe that; but I'm leaving it up to you." April finished, sitting back to lean her back onto the soft leather; watching the flickering emotions in his eyes.

Raphael finally allowed his eyes to fall upon her; he looked at her for a long while, staring at her in a way he never did before. Raph remained silent as he approached the couch and sat next to her much like they were just moments before any of this occurred.

April would lie if her heart didn't hurt as he remained silent, gingerly moving as if reaching for more popcorn in the bowl that still remained wedged between them. Blue eyes lifted to the television and half-watched pretending her heart wasn't splintering in the confines of her chest. What she didn't expect was the bowl to be lifted and placed aside. The surprise in her face apparent when his arm rose and moved behind her to rest upon the curve of her lower back; the reporter looked up at him in anticipation and slight confusion. Her cheeks were flushed at he looked at her, a genuine smile upon his face as his other hand reached for hers and grasping it lightly.

Her tongue was lead in her mouth as he lowered his mouth to her face, his large rough lips pursed as he brushed them along her cheek. Eyes closing of their own accord, April sighed at the contact; a residual softness to his mouth showcasing itself as he puckered them sightly to kiss the corner of her lips. She quickly melted into his touch, his hand leaving hers in order to caress her cheek. His mouth left her face for a moment; burnished gold and blue met before both sliding closed. Meeting halfway, their lips pressed together chastely at first; firmer pressure applied after another moment as he turned his head in order to get a better angle.

April smiled against his lips before her arms draped along his massive shoulders; the kiss was raw, a little reckless, perhaps a little awkward but _so_ hot...and _perfect;_ just like **him**...and she embraced it.

Raphael's heart thrummed quickly as his mouth moved over hers; lips so large compared to her own delicate mouth but he was adamant to make it work. Learning quickly at how just to purse his lips in order to press on hers as they continued to kiss. His scales prickled pleasantly as her hands played with his tattered red mask and slipping under the ridge of his carapace to caress the sensitive skin that met shell. For two years, he always wondered what kissing the beautiful April O'Neil would be like and this far exceeded any fantastical daydream. The warmth of her body and sensation of her smooth skin was far beyond anything his imagination could conjure up.

The moment didn't last, April pulling away to gasp for deep lungfuls air; her breathy laugh causing sparks to shoot through his shell. She smelt like cucumber melon shampoo and popcorn; an odd combination he wouldn't soon forget as she tightened her arms around his neck and bringing him closer. Instead of another kiss, she just hugged him tightly, pressing her face into his throat and nothing on Heaven or Earth was pulling her away from him now.

Grasping onto her like a lifeline; they both eventually found themselves lying down on the couch. Both on their sides facing each other; the flashing light of the television the only light in the room as they stared at one another in astonishment at exactly what had just taken place. A drastic shift occurred this night and either were too afraid to speak and unintentionally ruin the moment. Neither were certain how much time had passed before they both fell asleep in each others embrace; ready for whatever waited for them on the other side of consciousness.

* * *

April stood at the door of the farmhouse; new memories taking stake over the sad ones that haunted her just days ago. A smile lifting the corners of her mouth, she locked the door before descending the steps and toward the motorcycle. Raphael had finished tying on the cooler and the few bags and was already sitting upon the bike when he saw her approaching.

"Ready?" he asked, holding out a hand to help her up. April just smiled at him, about to put on her helmet when a devilish smirk crossed her face. It only lasted a second as she lifted herself up and kissed him fully on the mouth; enjoying the sensation of his lips pressing firmly against hers before she reluctantly pulled away.

"Now I am." she trilled, placing the helmet correctly on her head before sidling up comfortably in front of the large terrapin.

"Hold on." he chuckled as the motorcycle revved to life underneath.

"I am...and I'm never letting go." she whispered, allowing her heart to hammer away frantically in her chest at the way he smiled down at her. Within seconds, her heart pounded for a different reason, the speed at which the vehicle went underneath them but this time around, she was going to enjoy it...

**THE END**

* * *

 


End file.
